drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Michael Bay diarrhea
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
