I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
