I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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