Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
