the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
