The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.