please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".