They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.