I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.