is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i believe in u and ur pee
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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