96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor