I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.