she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
