In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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