yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm like, not good at living.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
