okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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