waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
