the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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