I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
