i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
