I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
