If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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