Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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