I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
