You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
