bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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