It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
