I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize