you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
