you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
