I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
