DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
