mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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