Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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