It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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