What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
