There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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