Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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