His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
