i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
