I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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