okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
