Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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