dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
