im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
