Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
