in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
