Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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