i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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