He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
