He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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