If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
