i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
