She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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