I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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