You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize