I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
