It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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