Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
