No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
