Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize