I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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