The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
